Anniversary

I have no parents.  Mom died in 2004, and  now Dad has been dead exactly one year.  What does this feel like?  Honestly?  It feels terribly strange.  It feels dangly and disorienting.  I feel like all of a sudden, I am an actual adult.

It's like I was bonked on the head or something.  My whole world looks different.  For one thing, when I think of family now, I look from side to side, and I look down.  There is no more looking up.  I'm at the top of the list now.  No buffer, no bunker, no time for foolishness.

 Being parentless has given me a new perspective.  I have clarity, so much clarity.  It's a miraculous thing, the crazybeautifulawful grief.  When you're in the sadness, you can't feel the beauty, but when the grieving lets go, then oh!  the crazy miraculous beauty!

I am in awe, every single day.
And I miss my parents, every single day.